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Post by ultimus5 on Dec 9, 2012 21:11:54 GMT -5
It's like reading McDonald's, I'm lovin it ! .... ...... ........What?! I thought it was mildly amusing.
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Post by Roxstar on May 31, 2013 14:17:38 GMT -5
Hola!!! ;D It's been a while, I know, but I have updates! Dr. Bionic's questionare is finished. Woo! Next up...Arella. Sorry, I've been gone for so long. I haven't played much at all in the video game world. Unfortunately my wife doesn't like computer games much. The only game I've played, and sporadically at that, is NCAA Football 2013 for the Xbox 360. I've been making 75+ custom teams and developing my own playbook for my dynasty. Also, my cousin and I have been getting more and more into board gaming since our wives are more approving of that than video gaming. On top of that I done some beta testing of my own Extant Force board game. It's gonna be pretty awesome and once refined I'll release it to Kickstarter for those who might want their own copy. Right now I have some dice and tiles in the mail for my first prototype. I'm pumped. Anyhow, that's how I came back to paying some more attention to the book. I think it would be awesome to release the game and book together. Theme and flavor! I love it. Anyway, let me know what you think about the latest Q&A for Dr. Bionic. EDIT: I added Arella's picture for her upcoming Q&A. enjoy!
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Post by ultimus5 on Jun 3, 2013 23:43:31 GMT -5
Doc's took a while to read, I've got a nasty sinus infection, the pressure is messing with my vision, but I soldiered through ! I liked it, can't wait for Arella's. Also, what is this of an Extant Force board game? PM me some info if you don't want to post it here yet !
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Post by Roxstar on Jun 4, 2013 8:44:57 GMT -5
Yeah, sorry about that. His took forever to write, not only because of time issues but because I was constantly looking at the Thesaurus to write some of his answers. Some answers took 15-20 minutes to write just because I couldn't find the right word I was looking for. The biggest concern I have for Doc is keeping him in character and sounding the same way. I haven't actually gone back and through the whole questionare again but I wonder how well it flowed.
Did it seem to switch character at all or change in the way it sounded? I hope not.
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Post by Roxstar on Jun 28, 2013 14:06:25 GMT -5
Arella's questionare is done! This one was the easiest, I think.
EDIT: I've added Ice Penguin's picture and brief bio as well.
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Post by Roxstar on Jul 11, 2013 12:24:55 GMT -5
Update! A portion of Ice Penguin's questionnaire has been posted. Enjoy.
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Post by Roxstar on Jul 22, 2013 16:43:08 GMT -5
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Post by Roxstar on Jul 24, 2013 16:43:52 GMT -5
Just realized I forgot to include Callie. I will completing her questionnaire soon. I've added a brief description to get you started though.
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Post by Roxstar on Aug 5, 2013 12:53:20 GMT -5
Callie's done! Woot! Things are rollin' now. I'm going to be working hardcore on the book outline. I'll probably be posting some here as I go. Keep a lookout.
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Post by Roxstar on Feb 12, 2014 12:41:58 GMT -5
I know it's been a while since I posted here but I want to say: I've finished the first chapter of my novel!!
So I've been reading online about the creation process of a novel and how important the first page can be to reel in the reader. What I thought would be neat is if y'all would let me know if you would want to continue reading my novel after reading only the first page. Obviously, I don't want to post everything here but I thought this would be an alternative for any of you that might be interested. So here goes:
Chapter 1 - The Subway
"Wait!" Micah shouted, as he dashed toward the underground transit car, almost tripping over a young boy holding his mother's hand. He barely slipped by in a roughly elegant manner and almost knocked down an elderly woman in the process. The woman managed to regain her balance but only after she let loose a series of expletives. Still he pursued further as the woman’s voice faded into the noise of the crowded subway.
As Micah approached the train he noticed the actuation of the train car door. He heard the air enter the cylinder of the closing mechanism. The door began to move. I’m running out of time, he thought, so he pushed forward even harder.
A few moments later Micah smelled the foul odor of stale carpet. He grimaced at the smell and quickly pushed himself up off the floor. He checked his bearings and wondered how many passengers witnessed his awkward mishap. He scoffed at himself. Of course they saw it, he thought. They all saw it. Embarrassed he took the nearest seat to the car’s entrance.
A lady sitting across the aisle didn’t hesitate to add her own opinion on the matter. “What is his problem!” she exclaimed. Her voice was angry and vengeful. “Some men just think they can get whatever they want. Guess this idiot couldn’t wait for the next train. Derrick certainly didn’t wait when he decided to leave me!” She trailed off, muttering something Micah couldn’t hear. He shook his head in amusement. Ignorant woman, he thought, you shouldn’t judge others you know nothing about.
...
So there you have it. Let me know below if you would continue reading or not!
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Post by KenpoJuJitsu3 on Feb 12, 2014 18:21:19 GMT -5
I would continue reading. Only two things to say feedback-wise.
1) "almost tripping over a young holding his mother's hand." - Young what? or is young a slang term for something in your novel?
2) You're being fairly descriptive on this page and then one of the big moments on this page, the fall, you leave completely to the reader to fill in the blank. It worked for me but only after I finished the second sentence of paragraph three and went back to re-read to make sense of it. The lack of a description given the style of everything that preceded it was mildly jarring and made me go "I missed something, need to go back". Not sure if that's the effect you were going for but it's there.
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Post by Roxstar on Feb 13, 2014 9:20:55 GMT -5
1)boy...young boy. Fixed
2)You're the second one that's said that. My intention was that he jumped into the train trying to beat the door, as in he dove to the floor. I guess I could go ahead and say that I just assumed it would be inferred. The reason I left it out is because, in my opinion, it doesn't really matter. He could've tripped or possibly something else. I'll revisit it, though, thanks.
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Post by KenpoJuJitsu3 on Feb 13, 2014 17:35:50 GMT -5
1)boy...young boy. Fixed 2)You're the second one that's said that. My intention was that he jumped into the train trying to beat the door, as in he dove to the floor. I guess I could go ahead and say that I just assumed it would be inferred. The reason I left it out is because, in my opinion, it doesn't really matter. He could've tripped or possibly something else. I'll revisit it, though, thanks. Ahhh, I thought he did trip. Missed that he dove to the floor.
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